Riding a bike is a lot like playing the viola: it’s rarely electric, and only children wear a helmet. Let’s be frank, there are only four reasons why you should ever be caught riding a bike:
1) Somebody told you it wasn’t a bike.
2) You are an airport police officer.
3) You are running from an airport police officer.
4) You supervise airport police officers.
Sometimes people will tell you that the environment will be better when we all ride bikes. Well, sometimes I tell people that I’ve stopped stealing the laundromat’s Internet and toilet paper, but that doesn’t make my GED diploma any more real.
Listen, a lot of times in life you will want to do things because somebody with nice thighs is doing it. That’s understandable because that person is probably rich, but you must never forget that it’s often the person with the best thighs that ends up with the tightest pants. In other words, it is often the things that help the environment the most that end up squeezing your wallet the greatest.
Never turn down a ginger ale,